Is it weird...

... that I want to keep two different blogs? Because I do. I have recently taken on a second blog on tumblr, due to some intense pressure from the boyfriend, who apparently is now a loyal and adamant user of his tumblr (inthishalflight.tumblr.com/). I refused at first, but after creating an account just to follow some of my friend's blogs and, of course, not wanting a blank page, creating a lay out and posting some beautiful photos, I became hooked to tumblr's aesthetics. However, this is where I get weird, I have such an emotional attachment to my blog on this site that I would like to keep this one for actual logs about my days and feelings and would like to use the other just to post pretty things, quotes and quick thoughts. Is this excessive, strange, complicated? Maybe.  For the moment, I'm going to keep both. You can find my blog on tumblr under the name World of Sympatric Speciation (lovinmarley.tumblr.com/). There is not much activity on the other thus far, but I predict more activity for the tumblr account than I do for this one in the future. Hope everyone is well! Much love.

PS

Watch this... all of it. This is why Radiohead has been my favorite band for the last 9 or 10 years and why they will remain at the top. Nothin but love for these guys.

Dear Shepard Fairey...

Gimme. Please:

I just bought this one for stupid cheap:

I have a feeling my next apartment is going to be decked out in Shepard Fairey masterpieces.... first priority the Woody Guthrie poster... it's a must.

Surprise...

I know, I know. It's been a while.  You all have no idea how many times I have started a blog, only to set it aside for more significant priorities, always with intensions of picking it back up. Of course, I never do. However, I have been inspired by a fellow blogger...in both a good and bad way... not necessarily to blog about my everyday life, but to vent about what's NOT going on in my life. Something that I strive for, something that I feel I was born to do (besides obsess over animals), something that I was doing but have been too busy to even think about. But here I am, in a bar/cafe in Brooklyn, New York; sitting across from my handsome boyfriend who is currently clutching his computer with the desire to smash it into oblivion because its leisurely pace is holding him back from completing one of his many assignments, while I contemplate my life's direction and fight the urge to draw on this white board that is mounted on the wall (sorry about that run on sentence but I figure if poets can get away with whatever obscure writing techniques they wish to... then so can I). No, I am not contemplating my future like many of you ask if I do, considering my current situation. You know, the whole being 3000 miles away from the BF who I have been with for almost seven years. I'm not saying I never think about it, but right now I have things to do and so does he. I recently came across a quote that I have been living by my entire life but have had a hard time expressing it to those who not only worry about their future but tend to worry about mine as well (bare with me it's kind of long):

"I came to the conclusion that worrying does nothing for your future. It doesn't make the future come sooner or make any dreams realities, except it takes you away from the present, and makes you unhappy or feeling unsettled which in turn makes for an unstable future."

-Robyn Watanabe

This may not be the smoothest of quotes but it defines me. I assume this is why I have never been a religious person, I do not think about where I will be heading to after I die or how my actions will affect my afterlife, thus, I have never had a reason to hold such values that will determine such results. In conclusion to my tangent, I am not worrying about my future with Philip or where I will end up after school. I am worried about my present. I have future dreams and goals but I work hard in my present day to accomplish them. Moreover, the blog that I read got me feeling nostalgic and helpless. I am talking about any shape or form of activism, philanthropy, altruism... anything of the sort. I was going strong for a while. First Ghana then Costa Rica, followed by the activism scene I fell into in community college. I feel a sense of purpose when working in activism. It feels right, comfortable. Even when it becomes stressful, even when I feel I am drowning in a sea of unsolvable problems... I still feel like I am exactly where I need to be. Transferring to UCSB, is a life choice that I do not regret, but it has brought up a slew of personal problems. Some that I am struggling to resolve. It has left no time to think about others. Even saying that sentence makes me uneasy. This is a thought I have in the back of my head everyday, but with all my papers to write, tests to prepare for and chapters to read...well, there is nothing I can do about it. I am almost embarrassed that I don't find the time to do so. Especially in a time of frequent natural disasters, wars, violent protests, and the same poverty that has been happening for years that is still being looked over. I can barely find the time to keep up on these disasters let alone lend a helping hand. What am I to do? 

I am working on it. 

As soon as I feel like I can spare even a little time, it's on. For now, all I can do is work hard in school and hope for some slack... and donate money from time to time. Anyone out there who would be willing to start up an organization with me in the near future, please...pleeaasseee contact me. I am always coming up with ideas and plans for various organizations but, due to past experiences, I know I need help. Something I love about my life, is the abundance of big-hearted, loving, altruistic friends/family that I have accumulated over the years. I can always count on them...always.

Well, that is my vent. Just to let you guys know, that blog was about someone who went to Ghana five years ago and has just never stopped helping. They mentioned that they never felt like this was what they wanted for their life like many other people do, but they fell into it and kept it up. This was a little too close to home because I realized it has been five years since I went to Ghana. Granted, this blogger is in their 30's and is done with any obligations such as school. Props to you blogger!

Those of you wondering how I have been. I am struggling, but life is good. I just received my grades for my second quarter. They are still lower than I would like them to be but are progressively getting better. I have pretty much stopped going out, stopped trying to make friends and stopped pretending that I will pick any of that back up. I am all business now. I am focused on improving. So, what did my second quarter look like? It looked like three different chairs. One in my kitchen, one in a near by coffee shop and another in the 24 hour study room. Luckily, my friends drag me away from it all every once in awhile with movies, dinner nights, and the occasional birthday.  

Highlight of my quarter: staying up till 3 in the morning building a fort in the loving room and moving our beds into it. It's still up... there is no telling when it's going to come down and I am okay with that. 

Alright y'all, hope you liked the surprise blog and I hope there will be more to come. Pura vida.